Season 1, Episode 11: Double Date

Double date? MORE LIKE DOUBLE TALK! This episode's prologue – as usual – takes place in Dawson's bedroom, which is apparently now OFFICIALLY known as the creepy lair from which he spies on Jen because he CANNOT BELIEVE THAT BITCH DUMPED HIS ASS so he'll just wallow in his pain and watch her through his tears, day in, day out, watching, watching, like an emo creeper creeper. OBLIVIOUS to the pain he causes to Joey who LOVES HIM DAMMIT SHE LOVES HIM.

I mean, Joey basically says this outright to him, just using less words.

And Dawson, also known as Mr Oblivious, fails to glean any of the major points of the conversation except that Oh My God: Jen's dating again? Cue titles!

( doo doo doo doo! Doo doo doo doo!)

I don't wanna wait! For our lives to be overrrr....

…

will it be yes or will it be......SORRY?

(doo doo doo doo! Doo doo doo doo!)

So after the spooky shenanigans of last episode, it's...a wee bit disconcerting (not to mention INCONSISTENT) that Dawson's major concern this episode is the super pressing question of WHETHER HE CAN STAY FRIENDS WITH JEN. I guess the fact that he seemingly had ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with his ex-girlfriend and her new man using his house for their first date is a mere distant memory; that was all about Jen's ish with Dawson not preparing a Friday 13^th scare for her like he did for his other friends (and if you remember – he did at the end of the episode, thus: errr...they're all good?).

But anyhow: that was a special episode guys, so pretend like Dawson was on crack (which he kind of was, let's face it) because he's back to his emo self this week. He bumps into Jen in the corridors of Capeside High and she raises this issue:

and he doesn't know how to answer. Pacey, in what is apparently a Marine Biology class, has some stellar wisecracking best bud advice for Dorkson, namely: LIE.

Basically: pretend like you're A-OK being best buddies with Jen and that will make her crave what she's missing: the power of Dawson loving. Then BAM YOU'RE IN.

Dawson, being a huge dork, messes this up within five seconds. The key to lying is pretty much keeping your dorky mouth shut Dawson.

“So Jen, about before when you said hey I hope we can still be friends and I stared at you in disbelief and then ran away and cried a little bit – hey sorry if that was awkward! I...thought I heard someone calling me and simultaneously had chili flakes in my eye, you know me, OLD KLUTZY DAWSON AM I RIGHT?! So yeah, I decided to interpret your polite request literally and take it to mean BEST FRIENDS FOREVER because I don't actually know what boundaries are. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?

No, REALLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Jen's discomfort in revealing her weekend plans to Dorkson is based in the fact that...it means once again revealing herself to be a big fat liar and also, to be all kinds of crazy.

She's going on a date with Cliff. They are going to the carnival.

1. THIS IS THE GIRL WHO BROKE UP WITH DAWSON CITING THE FACT SHE NEEDED TO BE SINGLE FOR A WHILE TO SORT HERSELF OUT. Apparently, 2 minutes is all that took. NO I WILL NEVER LET THIS GO
2. She's going on another date with CLIFF, henceforth known as Krazy Killer Eyez Kliff, the guy who TERRIFIED her by sending her threatening letters and making phonecalls to her pretending to be a serial killer. JEN IS ON RECORD AS SAYING SHE HATES TO BE SCARED. JEN IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD.

At this revelation, Dorkson's facade of Eternal Best Pal crumbles slightly. He just kind of stares at her with a goofy expression on his face, like his brain is frozen, and then manages to tell a really obvious lie about how he too happens to have a date that weekend, ALSO at the carnival, 

before he comes out with his best stupid plan ever (thank you Dawson's Creek writers!):

Look at his lips. THEY ARE TRYING TO HOLD HIS STUPID IDEA IN. Subconsciously, even Dorkson knows this date has DICKsaster written all over it.

“WE COULD DOUBLE DATE!” (Boom! Episode title!).

Meanwhile in Capeside...

Mitch and Gail make a breakfast time appearance. Sigh. Their marriage is still on the freaking rocks. Mitch looks refreshed though, like he's had a new haircut or something, but it seems that constant rage is just good for his complexion, maybe. The phone rings and Mitch answers, and it's a guy wanting Gail, AND WE ALL KNOW WHO IT IS, RIGHT? Gail gets off the phone superfast and Mitch is all bitchily “Was that [some guy we have never heard of and will never hear of ever again] because I haven't talked to him in AAAAAGES!”

Gail: (looks shifty) IT WAS A WORK CALL I NEED TO GO TO WORK NOW I LOVE YOU?

Mitch: (goes into a precursor to a Hulk rage).

YeeeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Mitch had like, cheesy David Caruso CSI Miami lines before that was even a THING. Also, his name should not be Mitch. HIS NAME SHOULD BE BITCH. 

Seriously though? This storyline is really sad. The couples counselling Mitch and Gail attended a few episodes back (when they were mysteriously absent from the action) clearly hasn't worked for Mitch – he's super jealous, and still so angry, and the worst part is that he involves Dawson in the mess – asking him to monitor the calls coming into the house and report if Bob rings for Gail.

And those mommy daddy issues are what will tip Dawson into deeply disturbed killer eyez territory.

DAWSON SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO BE FIFTEEN AND OBSESS OVER HIS OWN TRAGIC LOVELIFE, NOT HIS PARENTS'.

The 'B' storyline is awesome in that Pacey and Joey are pushed together YET AGAIN :) :) :) Turns out Pacey's been messing around in Marine Biology and is going to fail (which means he'll have to spend the summer repeating the class if he doesn't want to get held back) – except we finally meet a teacher at Capeside who isn't somehow defective. 

This teacher a) reveals that Pacey is actually quite intelligent, he just needs to apply himself and b) gives Pacey a chance to redeem himself and pass the class if he completes an extra credit project with another student...that turns out to be Joey.

Naturally, the two bicker and fight like an old married couple through the entire project (which is studying the reproductive habits of underwater snails). Pacey ruins the initial project by trying to create a snail menage a trois with a carnivorous snail from another tank, prompting the need for him and Jo to go on an expedition to a tidal pool to find more snails. Where Pacey's failure to tie up the boat gets them stranded as the tide comes in. It's not that Pacey's an idiot, it's that he's lazy in his thinking, and he needs good role models (as we will see in later seasons). The thing is – he flunked a test, which is nothing new for him, the class clown. WHY IS JOEY DOING A MAKE-UP PROJECT? She keeps avoiding the issue. Is her unrequited love for Dawson affecting her grades now? (No - it turns out Joey got a 98% grade BUT THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH for Lil Joey Potter. She has to get 100% to fulfil her perfectionist, scholarship craving tendencies. I don't think it's healthy how badly she wants to leave Capeside and how much she depends on her schooling to do it. There ARE other options Joey. And the way she inadvertently damns underachievers like Pacey to rot in the 'hellhole' she deems Capeside to be makes me kind of spurn her even more). 

But the best part is that Joey actually softens a little under Pacey's influence. Joey has a big moral 'mare at Dawson before he goes on his fake ''date'' to the Carnival, telling him that his experiment with jerkdom (taking out a girl just to make someone jealous) doesn't suit him because he's a nice guy deep down. He tells her he'd really rather hang out with her and she's all like “Yeah I wish I could come too (BECAUSE I WANNA DATE YOU DAWSON!)” but instead she has to spend the day with Pacey, which is like, a fate worse than having to spend all her life in Capeside, I guess. AND though things get off to a rocky start, the two end up having a pretty fun day together, despite being stranded in the rockpools and getting drenched. Even though Joey is Lil Miss Sarcasm to Pacey right to the bitter end, he sees something in her he never saw before (APART FROM A SNEAKY PEEK AT HER NEKKID BODY). And JOEY ACTUALLY SMILES AND REALISES THAT PACEY HAS A HUMAN HEART OF GOLD (and a killer bod). 

Okay maybe she just realises she shouldn't be such a mega-bitch to him all the goddamn time.

I JUST DIED OF CUTENESS ALL IS RIGHT IN THE FICTIONAL UNIVERSE

BACK IN DAWSONLAND:

So Dawson has to find a date, and fast, for his Carnival Double Date Disaster Torture Lie Fest. Pacey suggests Mary Beth, some girl we've never seen before this episode, who is reading Erica Jong's Fear of Flying alone in the cafeteria. So...obviously, will be a pushover.

Dawson's lies are spinning wildly out of control, as he assures Mary Beth – who INSTANTLY questions him whether he is over Jen, whether dating again so soon is a good idea, whether he ACTUALLY wants to go out with her – that this Carnival date will be THE BEST IDEA HE HAS EVER HAD.

Until they get there and OOPS. Turns out he never actually mentioned to Raging Feminist and Apparent Psychic but NOT PSYCHIC ENOUGH Mary Beth that IT IS A DOUBLE DATE WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND THAT BITCH HOMEWRECKER JEN and KRAZY KILLER EYEZ KLIFF (Scott Foley!!!). Mary Beth = PISSED. Dawson subdues her with more lies: he's doing it for Jen! She was nervous about being alone with Cliff on her first date, so he's there to take the pressure off. Mary Beth – I feel sad for you that you bought that, and didn't think it was creepy and inappropriate that Jen had NO OTHER FRIENDS EXCEPT HER EXBOYFRIEND to double date with.

It soon becomes apparent that Dawson is a big filthy liar when The Most Awkward Moment Ever happens. Him and Krazy Killer Eyez Kliff end up in a giant metaphorical pissing contest at a carnival booth after KKEK wins a teddy bear for Jen by winning a throwing competition. Dawson won't let it go, and keeps going until he wins a prize too. When the carnie goes “which lady is the prize for?” Dawson TURNS TO JEN.

AWKWAAAAAAAARD.

And THEN he goes to Mary Beth “We need to talk”. Just hammer those nails into that coffin, Dorkson. Ad break! Dawson goes to apologise to MB, who is shovelling popcorn into her mouth while sitting on the bonnet of a car.

TWIST ALERT! Mary Beth doesn't care a fig about Dawson and never did – she's in love with the way Krazy Kliff's Killer Eyez sparkle, and is heartbroken not because of anything Dorkson did, but because it's so obvious that KKEK and Bitchface Jen are in love. Bleeeuuurghghghghgh. Then the way she says “but we can still help each other out” to Dawson has a sinister undertone.

Leaving...all that implies...aside, what she actually means, it turns out, is hijacking KKEK so she ends up on the Ferris wheel with him, forcing Jen and Dawson together, where they end up having a HUUUUUUGE argument. Bitchface Jen SUDDENLY DOESN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS ANYMORE 

SHE CHANGED HER MIND WHAT A SHOCKER! And Dawson FINALLY SAYS what I have been waiting forever (or like, 2 episodes) for him to say:

She doesn't have an answer either, and sure, maybe I should cut her some slack for being a) a fictional character and b) 15 but BASICALLY WHAT A BITCH FALL OFF THE FERRIS WHEEL ALREADY.

I also couldn't help but think how extremely awkward it was for them to be having this huge argument at the top of the Ferris wheel with their dates like, 2 cars below them, probably eagerly listening to every word. Anyway, Dawson gets his heart re-broken, when he finally forces Jen to say what we ALL KNOW ALREADY because omg it's obvious: JEN JUST WASN'T THAT INTO HIM (or fluffy clouds and rainbows, which is how Dawson sees the world) and by the way she hasn't actually sworn off guys.


 I know, what a shockingly unexpected turn of events.

Following this extremely public emo, Jen, Cliff and Mary Beth mysteriously disappear as if abducted by carnies, leaving Dawson sitting on a bench at the Carnival with a creepy dazed smile on his face. He looks like someone you would KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM. Happily, into the frame wander Pacey and Joey. They have conveniently come to check out the Carnival and happened upon creepy shellshocked Dawson.

Pacey needs to talk to Dawson about something...IN PRIVATE. Joey decides not to push it and vanishes.

OMG SQUEE! Pacey wants permission from Dawson to pursue Joey. Because he realised after spending the whole day alone with her that he LIKE likes her. AND HE WANTS TO KISS HER.

Dawson's brain explodes.

AND SO DOES MINE when Pacey kisses Joey and she gets all weird about it because she CAN'T SEE THE GOOD THING THAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE. She rejects Pacey as graciously and kindly as possible, and Pacey accepts it like a gentleman.

 JOEY! KISS HIM BACK DAMMIT!

He's somewhat less gentlemanly when Dawson strides into the video store stating “That thing we talked about [e.g. Pacey pursuing Joey] I don't want you to do it, YOU DON'T HAVE MY PERMISSION”. At first Pacey seems like his clownish, goodnatured self – pulling a prank on Dawson by saying he was too late, that the kiss had already happened, but then adding a whole lot of outrageous, clearly untrue details so Dawson knew it was all lies.

But then Pacey turns dark. I think this definitively marks the point where the shortlived easy, breezy BFF bromance between Pacey and Dawson ends, all because of a girl.

Now, things get interesting. TWO EPISODES TO GO (to the end of Season One!) 

Season 1, Episode 8: Boyfriend

Just as I predicted last time, we launch into this episode with the characters compartmentalising like mofos and pretending like Joey's raging public nervous breakdown over her unrequited love for Dawson, complete with Ugly Crying and Snot-O-Rama, NEVER HAPPENED.

In fact, the main thing we learn in this episode is that maybe the Dawson's Creek writers never intended or expected anybody to watch the series with such close attention to detail and character motivation, because there are a BUNCH OF THINGS THAT HAPPEN that appear to contradict what we have already been told/seen/learned so far.

Like this, about, ohhh...ten seconds in:

OH HAI HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN DAWSON'S CREEK AND ARE YOU UNAWARE OF THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE SHOW? Hello, Dawson and Joey agree in the Pilot that they can't do “sleepovers” anymore because of their changing relationship.

Am I being picky? JUST WAIT. There's more. I'll get to it in due course.

So anyway. Episode 8, “Boyfriend”.

Dawson plays up to his Dork-son alter-ego (except it's not really an alter-ego when there isn't a “cool” Dawson, is there?) by wearing a sweater vest and being really excited about taking Jen out on their date that night: they're going bowling. BOWLING. (I don't have ANYTHING against bowling and indeed, think it is awesome; the implication in the episode however is that taking Jen bowling is super-quaint. You KNOW Dawson probably has his own bowling shoes, ball and shirt though, because that's how they roll in the movies, thus making it automatically dorkier than it needed to ever be). Dawson also shows JUST HOW SENSITIVE AND IN TUNE with his good pal Joey he is by going on and on about his girlfriend and his date and how into Jen he is RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOEY'S CRESTFALLEN FACE. And to be fair to the Dawson's Creek writers , good character consistency here – Dawson was just as oblivious last episode, EVEN WHEN JOEY WAS SNOTTING AND UGLY CRYING AND NERVOUS BREAKDOWNING ALL OVER HIM.

Dawson ACTUALLY IS retarded. Which makes you wonder WHY Joey (who is SUPER INTELLIGENT, remember, though...I don't know if they've addressed that on the show yet) wants anything to do with him.

The spanner in the works for Dorkson's doofy date night is when Billy, an OBVIOUSLY BAD NEWS guy breezes into town, and into Capeside High, looking for Jen.

Go on, guess who Billy is. GUESS!

Bad boy Billy = Jen's ex-boyfriend, the one who got her booted out of New York. And Jen is ALL IN A MUDDLE about what to do now he's here – she's with Dawson, but can't seem to bring herself to just tell Billy to get lost. Besides, it's a whole 4 hour drive for Billy back to New York, and given he's got...an ENTIRE DAY AHEAD OF HIM...he...has to stay at least one night in Capeside?

BILLY IS FULLY A STRAIGHT UP GUY JEN, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TRUST HIS BULLSHIT LIES.

So Jen does what any normal person in her situation would do.

She arranges for Billy to stay the night at Dawson's house. Obviously, Billy taunts Dawson with the threat that he is there to win Jen back, then when Dawson gets all RAGEFACE Billy is all like “HAHA I WAS JUST KIDDING LIGHTEN UP exceptitotallywasn'tevenkiddinghahaWAITANDSEE!”.

As contrived and obviously stupid as this whole scenario is, YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT, because the only possible result is that Dawson ends up INSANELY MISERABLE one way or another.

Thank you Boyfriend episode, for not disappointing me on that front.

Tick! Dawson's insane insecurity is triggered the moment he sees Billy enter Capeside High (cue Dawson lurking around corners spying on Jen and Billy as if he is in an espionage movie).

Tick! Dawson has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old (and that is probably wildly unfair to 8 year olds) and lives in lalaland, so Mr Supposed To Be Cool Guy from New York can play him like a FIDDLE. One day Dawson will learn to just fly immediately into a Hulk Rage when anyone attempts to mess with him; sadly, that day has not yet come. How funny would Dawson hulking out be?!

Tick! DAWSON CAN'T HELP IT, HE GOES FOR THE LOW BLOW! Because he secretly thinks his girlfriend is a whore because she has a life before him and he can't BEAR the thought that he isn't her first and this aspect of Dawson's character I GENUINELY LOATHE, because it makes him an ASSHOLE. Let it fucking GO, Dawson, or get some counselling already.

Let's not even start on how disgusting it is that they are arguing over a woman as if she is a piece of property.

Tick! I HATE JEN AGAIN (it's like all is right with the world!). What is this?

When you told Dawson about “your past in New York” the impression you gave was that there was a guy who TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE TOO DRUNK TO CARE WHAT HAPPENED and that story doesn't sit very well with this:

Yeah, well, so does Dawson.

I liked Jen (briefly) when I had sympathy for her and she was working out her issues. Now she's just....suddenly reverted? Also: Jen agreed to give Billy a goodbye kiss when he was clearly NOT OVER HER and SHE KNEW IT. As opposed to telling him to fuck off and marching back to Dawson and his lion mane and bowling the shit out of some pins. Jen is an IDIOT. Except she dumps Dawson because she realises she needs to not be a serial monogamist (which is actually pretty enlightened) and sends Dawson into a massively bitchy emo fest. So maybe we're still just a TINY bit Team Jen for that.

Elsewhere in Capeside:

Oh, ok, Dawson's parents appear in this episode. They're working on their marriage. Basically, Mitch still can't let Gail's epic betrayal (her affair with Bob and her LAME justification that it was because her life was too perfect) go, and he's still a massive awesome bitch about it:

Joey is sleep-deprived because of the new baby (Alexander) (hence the pre-credits sleepover at Dawson's...and also, what did Jen think of THAT? She never brought THAT up in her breakup speech – she didn't mention Joey at all, which is interesting. Jen knows Joey's feelings. EVERYONE but Dawson does), and it's affecting her study and her work at the IceHouse. Plus, she's pining for Dawson. She really is smitten.

Pacey comes to her rescue – literally, as it turns out – in this episode. He sees that she's miserable and stressed, and invites her to go to Cliff's (remember Cliff – SCOTT FOLEY!) barbecue with him. He's all like “I couldn't find a date so I knew you'd be available” but it's really sweet how insistent he is – at first it seems like he's just antagonising her again and joking around, but then he is all like “Joey, when is the last time you had any fun?” Then, to convince her to go, he plays the Dawson card – Dawson is going to the barbecue alone since Jen is tied up entertaining Billy.

I cannot emphasise ENOUGH how obvious it is that Pacey and Joey are DESTINED to be together (and then I wonder: is it at this point in filming that Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson were an actual item, because that would account for some of the waves of cutie cute chemistry emanating from the two of them together). SERIOUSLY. The One True Pair or whatever you call it of Dawson's Creek is TOTALLY CEMENTED in this episode as:

• Joey meets up with Dawson at the bbq and ditches Pacey (like Pacey expected she would). Dawson tells her he'll go get her a drink...but on the way meets JEN, who has ditched Billy and come to find Dawson.
• Joey waits in vain for Dawson to come back but selfish prick he is, he forgets his oldest dearest friend the second his pretty blonde girlfriend walks in.
• JOEY GETS HIT ON BY A SKEEZY LOOKING GUY WHO IS CLEARLY TRYING TO GET HER DRUNK! (and skeezy guy succeeds in getting her drunk because she wants to forget the ultimate diss Dawson has laid down upon her)
• PACEY intervenes, looking out for Joey's safety all night
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  and ultimately ending up in a fistfight with skeezy guy. Dawson joins in at the last second, as Pacey takes a hit for Joey, protecting her honour, and dimwit lush Joey thinks, because Dawson is the one to pick her up off the ground, that HE is the one who saved her from the creep. Pacey is enough of a gentlemen to keep his mouth shut.

I nominate we all laminate huge posters of Pacey's face decorated with lovehearts and adorn every available surface with them. TEAM PACEY FOREVER MOFOS.

Dawson and Pacey take inebriated Joey back home. Pacey is tasked with making sure the baby stays quiet (HIGHLIGHT OF THE EPISODE BITCHES! He remembers Joey telling him at the video store that only the English Patient worked to put Alexander to sleep, so he re-enacts the movie for the tot, accents and all)

while Dawson tries to have a heart to heart with a comatose idiot.

And seriously? SHE FREAKING KISSES HIM, DRUNK.

Making this the second time they've kissed, the first time it hasn't been a dare, and DAWSON STILL CAN'T GRASP IT?

 

 

Pacey wins this episode, and in fact, LIFE, counselling Dawson on the trip back over the creek. He makes an array of dubious faces listening to Dawson's ridiculous theories on the difference between love and friendship (e.g Jen and Joey) and basically stops short of smacking Dawson upside the head and yelling in his face YOU ARE AN IDIOT STOP BABBLING NONSENSE AND COME DOWN OFF YOUR COTTON CANDY CLOUD AND JOIN THE REAL WORLD MR SUNSHINE SPARKLE PANTS.

It's like Pacey knows that in, oh, two minutes, Jen is gonna DUMP Dorkson's idiot-ass.

PACEY IS A SHAMAN?