Season 1, Episode 8: Boyfriend

Just as I predicted last time, we launch into this episode with the characters compartmentalising like mofos and pretending like Joey's raging public nervous breakdown over her unrequited love for Dawson, complete with Ugly Crying and Snot-O-Rama, NEVER HAPPENED.

In fact, the main thing we learn in this episode is that maybe the Dawson's Creek writers never intended or expected anybody to watch the series with such close attention to detail and character motivation, because there are a BUNCH OF THINGS THAT HAPPEN that appear to contradict what we have already been told/seen/learned so far.

Like this, about, ohhh...ten seconds in:

OH HAI HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN DAWSON'S CREEK AND ARE YOU UNAWARE OF THE ENTIRE PREMISE OF THE SHOW? Hello, Dawson and Joey agree in the Pilot that they can't do “sleepovers” anymore because of their changing relationship.

Am I being picky? JUST WAIT. There's more. I'll get to it in due course.

So anyway. Episode 8, “Boyfriend”.

Dawson plays up to his Dork-son alter-ego (except it's not really an alter-ego when there isn't a “cool” Dawson, is there?) by wearing a sweater vest and being really excited about taking Jen out on their date that night: they're going bowling. BOWLING. (I don't have ANYTHING against bowling and indeed, think it is awesome; the implication in the episode however is that taking Jen bowling is super-quaint. You KNOW Dawson probably has his own bowling shoes, ball and shirt though, because that's how they roll in the movies, thus making it automatically dorkier than it needed to ever be). Dawson also shows JUST HOW SENSITIVE AND IN TUNE with his good pal Joey he is by going on and on about his girlfriend and his date and how into Jen he is RIGHT IN FRONT OF JOEY'S CRESTFALLEN FACE. And to be fair to the Dawson's Creek writers , good character consistency here – Dawson was just as oblivious last episode, EVEN WHEN JOEY WAS SNOTTING AND UGLY CRYING AND NERVOUS BREAKDOWNING ALL OVER HIM.

Dawson ACTUALLY IS retarded. Which makes you wonder WHY Joey (who is SUPER INTELLIGENT, remember, though...I don't know if they've addressed that on the show yet) wants anything to do with him.

The spanner in the works for Dorkson's doofy date night is when Billy, an OBVIOUSLY BAD NEWS guy breezes into town, and into Capeside High, looking for Jen.

Go on, guess who Billy is. GUESS!

Bad boy Billy = Jen's ex-boyfriend, the one who got her booted out of New York. And Jen is ALL IN A MUDDLE about what to do now he's here – she's with Dawson, but can't seem to bring herself to just tell Billy to get lost. Besides, it's a whole 4 hour drive for Billy back to New York, and given he's got...an ENTIRE DAY AHEAD OF HIM...he...has to stay at least one night in Capeside?

BILLY IS FULLY A STRAIGHT UP GUY JEN, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY TRUST HIS BULLSHIT LIES.

So Jen does what any normal person in her situation would do.

She arranges for Billy to stay the night at Dawson's house. Obviously, Billy taunts Dawson with the threat that he is there to win Jen back, then when Dawson gets all RAGEFACE Billy is all like “HAHA I WAS JUST KIDDING LIGHTEN UP exceptitotallywasn'tevenkiddinghahaWAITANDSEE!”.

As contrived and obviously stupid as this whole scenario is, YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT, because the only possible result is that Dawson ends up INSANELY MISERABLE one way or another.

Thank you Boyfriend episode, for not disappointing me on that front.

Tick! Dawson's insane insecurity is triggered the moment he sees Billy enter Capeside High (cue Dawson lurking around corners spying on Jen and Billy as if he is in an espionage movie).

Tick! Dawson has the emotional maturity of an 8 year old (and that is probably wildly unfair to 8 year olds) and lives in lalaland, so Mr Supposed To Be Cool Guy from New York can play him like a FIDDLE. One day Dawson will learn to just fly immediately into a Hulk Rage when anyone attempts to mess with him; sadly, that day has not yet come. How funny would Dawson hulking out be?!

Tick! DAWSON CAN'T HELP IT, HE GOES FOR THE LOW BLOW! Because he secretly thinks his girlfriend is a whore because she has a life before him and he can't BEAR the thought that he isn't her first and this aspect of Dawson's character I GENUINELY LOATHE, because it makes him an ASSHOLE. Let it fucking GO, Dawson, or get some counselling already.

Let's not even start on how disgusting it is that they are arguing over a woman as if she is a piece of property.

Tick! I HATE JEN AGAIN (it's like all is right with the world!). What is this?

When you told Dawson about “your past in New York” the impression you gave was that there was a guy who TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE TOO DRUNK TO CARE WHAT HAPPENED and that story doesn't sit very well with this:

Yeah, well, so does Dawson.

I liked Jen (briefly) when I had sympathy for her and she was working out her issues. Now she's just....suddenly reverted? Also: Jen agreed to give Billy a goodbye kiss when he was clearly NOT OVER HER and SHE KNEW IT. As opposed to telling him to fuck off and marching back to Dawson and his lion mane and bowling the shit out of some pins. Jen is an IDIOT. Except she dumps Dawson because she realises she needs to not be a serial monogamist (which is actually pretty enlightened) and sends Dawson into a massively bitchy emo fest. So maybe we're still just a TINY bit Team Jen for that.

Elsewhere in Capeside:

Oh, ok, Dawson's parents appear in this episode. They're working on their marriage. Basically, Mitch still can't let Gail's epic betrayal (her affair with Bob and her LAME justification that it was because her life was too perfect) go, and he's still a massive awesome bitch about it:

Joey is sleep-deprived because of the new baby (Alexander) (hence the pre-credits sleepover at Dawson's...and also, what did Jen think of THAT? She never brought THAT up in her breakup speech – she didn't mention Joey at all, which is interesting. Jen knows Joey's feelings. EVERYONE but Dawson does), and it's affecting her study and her work at the IceHouse. Plus, she's pining for Dawson. She really is smitten.

Pacey comes to her rescue – literally, as it turns out – in this episode. He sees that she's miserable and stressed, and invites her to go to Cliff's (remember Cliff – SCOTT FOLEY!) barbecue with him. He's all like “I couldn't find a date so I knew you'd be available” but it's really sweet how insistent he is – at first it seems like he's just antagonising her again and joking around, but then he is all like “Joey, when is the last time you had any fun?” Then, to convince her to go, he plays the Dawson card – Dawson is going to the barbecue alone since Jen is tied up entertaining Billy.

I cannot emphasise ENOUGH how obvious it is that Pacey and Joey are DESTINED to be together (and then I wonder: is it at this point in filming that Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson were an actual item, because that would account for some of the waves of cutie cute chemistry emanating from the two of them together). SERIOUSLY. The One True Pair or whatever you call it of Dawson's Creek is TOTALLY CEMENTED in this episode as:

• Joey meets up with Dawson at the bbq and ditches Pacey (like Pacey expected she would). Dawson tells her he'll go get her a drink...but on the way meets JEN, who has ditched Billy and come to find Dawson.
• Joey waits in vain for Dawson to come back but selfish prick he is, he forgets his oldest dearest friend the second his pretty blonde girlfriend walks in.
• JOEY GETS HIT ON BY A SKEEZY LOOKING GUY WHO IS CLEARLY TRYING TO GET HER DRUNK! (and skeezy guy succeeds in getting her drunk because she wants to forget the ultimate diss Dawson has laid down upon her)
• PACEY intervenes, looking out for Joey's safety all night
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  and ultimately ending up in a fistfight with skeezy guy. Dawson joins in at the last second, as Pacey takes a hit for Joey, protecting her honour, and dimwit lush Joey thinks, because Dawson is the one to pick her up off the ground, that HE is the one who saved her from the creep. Pacey is enough of a gentlemen to keep his mouth shut.

I nominate we all laminate huge posters of Pacey's face decorated with lovehearts and adorn every available surface with them. TEAM PACEY FOREVER MOFOS.

Dawson and Pacey take inebriated Joey back home. Pacey is tasked with making sure the baby stays quiet (HIGHLIGHT OF THE EPISODE BITCHES! He remembers Joey telling him at the video store that only the English Patient worked to put Alexander to sleep, so he re-enacts the movie for the tot, accents and all)

while Dawson tries to have a heart to heart with a comatose idiot.

And seriously? SHE FREAKING KISSES HIM, DRUNK.

Making this the second time they've kissed, the first time it hasn't been a dare, and DAWSON STILL CAN'T GRASP IT?

 

 

Pacey wins this episode, and in fact, LIFE, counselling Dawson on the trip back over the creek. He makes an array of dubious faces listening to Dawson's ridiculous theories on the difference between love and friendship (e.g Jen and Joey) and basically stops short of smacking Dawson upside the head and yelling in his face YOU ARE AN IDIOT STOP BABBLING NONSENSE AND COME DOWN OFF YOUR COTTON CANDY CLOUD AND JOIN THE REAL WORLD MR SUNSHINE SPARKLE PANTS.

It's like Pacey knows that in, oh, two minutes, Jen is gonna DUMP Dorkson's idiot-ass.

PACEY IS A SHAMAN?